My Onion Article Headlines

not-the-onion-logo

I’m bored right now so I decided to try to write some articles to fake articles on The Onion. I have done no vetting to see if they’ve done these stories, nor do I vouch for them not sucking. I don’t plan to write the articles. I don’t think I’m as good as The Onion. Shut up about all that. They’re just the first 10(ish)  ideas I had – excuse me while I expose myself to you on the Internet.

  • Cartoon Fish on the Lookout for Cartoon Sharks
  • Robot Feels Terrible About Taking Your Job
  • Jogging Man Ridiculously Angry at Puddle
  • Teen Can’t Even: “My Parents Are the Literal Worst”
  • Local Bear Just Wants to be Friends, Man
  • Bartender Totally Interested in How Your Day Was
  • Man Daydreams Through Mother-in-Law’s Anecdote – Almost Caught
  • Area Man Doesn’t Believe Candyman Will Appear if You…Fuck, What Was That?
  • Mom Secretly Sad Son’s Pot Roast is Better Than Hers
  • Marketing Assistant Accidentally Un-mutes Conference Call Before Mocking Client
  • Cow Chews Contentedly, Plots Murder
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Bad Lip Reading: Walking Dead

“Sorry dude, when I come back from your place there’s always a little roach in my slenderman undies.” Now all the walkers sing!

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About Us

I started this website in 2009 and ran it for 3ish years, and it was pretty awesome. You'll have to take my word for it though, because I lost it all through the magic of forgetting to pay my bills. Onward!